[ she grows defensive when he answers her question with another question. she knows all about being evasive, after all, so she only thinks he has something to hide when he does it. (she certainly does.)
the fold of her arms only grows tighter, just like the expression on her face. ]
A bunch of bullshit, I'm sure. [ he spent some time complimenting her, after all, but she definitely has a feeling she should take all his words with a grain of salt. ]
( even at hearing her lack of sympathy or belief in his words wasn't enough to relieve him. what he knew of them, what he comprehended of their motives, their lifestyles, the way they constantly involved themselves in the lives of the exorcist— was nothing short of exhausting. not to mention— dangerous. as she so aptly labeled him. ) Not sure what he said to you, but whatever it is— he's probably even worse than that. ( as an individual who was inevitably equipped with the experience of battling against him, the difference in strength was clear.
as well as tyki's innate ability to render everything under the dark light of destruction. ) He's not the kinda person people should be friends with, if you catch my drift? ( but, even with his casual wording. ) My only advice is to stay away from him. Don't catch his eye, if you can help it. ( unless you already have. but, he puts it as if this is the "end" of their conversation. as if he doesn't need to explain anymore. or maybe he just didn't want to. the more one knew, the more likely they'd be subjected to whatever it was, after all. people don't just ask for no reason. )
she doesn't know what it says about lavi, about how much he thinks of her, when tyki himself has revealed far much more about the situation than the male in front of her. it brings a bitter taste to riruka's mouth that she can't recognize at the moment, but it's one she certainly isn't fond of.
with a decisive movement, she stamps her foot down over the bed once more, trapping a bit of lavi's shirt beneath it as if to hold him just in case he planned on running away. or dismissing the conversation entirely. ]
What the hell is your deal, anyway? You said you were just some Bookman, some kinda human recorder of events or stuff. What's that gotta do with bad men and Exorcists and Innocence?
[ you think tyki's the only one she's spoken to lavi? NOPE. ]
( he could see her defensive stance before he even offered his semblance of an "explanation." but, the foot that secured the edge of his shirt, only confirmed and solidified this. while it was in his nature to act nervous of skittish as a result, while it was a reaction that played on his features, there's something even deeper there. the more someone knew, the more someone was involved... ) ... you knew about that?! ( he says it in a tone of "who told you?" rather than an actual "you knew?" )
It's not like I was hiding it. ( he just didn't feel like it was something he needed to mention everything about. ) But, the things I record aren't just normal history. ( he sighs loudly. ) The old panda would kill me for saying this, but Bookmen exist to record "true history." ( he's revealed it casually once before and that wasn't something he wanted to repeat. but, he didn't see a way out of his conversation, otherwise. ) The Noahs and their family, as well as the exorcists... sorta just fall into that. ( a pause. )
Not sure what else I can tell you? ( everything else was far more Delicate. he could explain exorcists and innocence, sure. but, anything more of how it related to him being a bookman and his original objectives was just not going to happen. )
[ her expression twists, and with a sudden, jerky motion, she steps away from him, releasing him.
her arms fall down to her sides, hands balling into fists. ]
You said it yourself. This guy is dangerous. What if he does hurts you — people. [ she doesn't catch herself in time, but she sure as hell plows on as if nothing had happened. ] Don't you think we all deserve to know what we're up against here?!
( he's been avoiding her gaze for some time. which, incidentally, was made infinitely easier in by their current position. save for the fact he was pinned. but, just as he thinks it, she releases him, and he doesn't actually feel any semblance of liberation. turning towards her. for real, this time. he can literally see... the lack of trust he's actually fostering. it's strange, he used to think that sort of thing was impossible to detect with your eyes.
until that one point of his life, but even then, he shakes his head. ) You don't have to worry about that. I'll protect you? You said it yourself, I'm an Exorcist. ( he kills akuma. fights noahs by nature. and he's also a bookman. he doesn't stay in one place for long. doesn't have a home. doesn't become attached. doesn't really consider himself much of a human, either. "you're smiling, but your eyes are like glass. nothing gets through to you." )
( but, even then— ) The Noah are a family, who work directly with the Earl of the Millennium. He creates these weapons, called akuma. They're bound by tragedy and contain the soul of a dead person called back by a loved one. They're basically servants of the Earl. ( an awkward pause. ) Did you already know about that part? ( either, yes or no, he continues. his voice is surprisingly light for how grave the topic is. ) Noahs are more dangerous than just an akuma or two, though. They're better equipped. Smarter. ( tyki, especially, he thinks. the amount of exorcists he's killed is... he shakes it off. )
Any other questions? ( he can't say he'd answer them all. but, if it was something within reason. )
[ it's that levity in his tone that unnerves her the most. almost empty, in a way, as if someone this dangerous, and something this serious, were all part of some daily grind.
she tries to suppress a shudder, but she's not sure if she succeeds. ]
You want to... help? ( at her concluding question, he startles. more inwardly than outwardly. it's that sort definitive, and equally reckless, but entirely honest way in which its delivered that manages to go beyond any of his expectations. not that he tended to carry too many of those, but the concept stood.
however, while he does manage to look upon the gesture favorably, it also succeeds to grate on a more sensitive portion of his nerves. he knows that type too well. and somehow, from the light reminder, it makes him worry that perhaps she could potentially see through to him as he once had. potentially fall to the same fate, even. he mentally swore to himself that he’d seal up that portion of his thoughts. discard it as he’s done to so many of his previous identities, but the memory remains vivid. despite their connection forged through a mutual death and facing the same trial, he can’t open himself up to the possibility of implicating her into his life as an exorcist.
even fighting along beside her was an idea he wasn’t even close to considering. and so he casually dodges the subject. sidestepping from it. or he had the intentions to. but, instead, even if he knows it wouldn't please her, he reveals a simple truth. ) If you avoid him, that’ll be enough. I can't really ask for more.
so easily, too, though she misreads the conflict on his face for disdain.
the logical part of her mind knows she can't blame him — shouldn't, really; what does he know of her abilities? her capabilities? she'd shown him her dollhouse power on the first day, but what good had it done either of them when it really mattered? that tattoo branded on their chests, matching the bullet scars they both share — they're reminders of her failure, of the plain and simple fact that it had been her recklessness, her foolish folly to cost them both their lives.
for lavi, it only made sense that he should dismiss her. that he should see her incapable and weak, when truly that's the only thing she's shown him thus far.
and it shouldn't matter to her, either. her pride is wounded at it, but a wounded pride is something she can get over; a run in with this tyki man, this noah, is quickly sounding to be something she — a frail, mortal human — cannot.
and yet it burns. angers her more than she thought it would, wounds her more than she thought herself capable. she had a debt to repay. and a point to make. ]
I can help. [ she doesn't know how, or if she even can, but she wants to. she has to. head lowered, hands balling into tiny fists at her side. ] I'm not— weak, you know.
( at the comment, he immediately opens his mouth to speak. to deter her from applying false logic on the matter. or at inexorably placing impossible ideals onto a nearly impossible and needlessly arduous situation. to assure her that his words hadn’t been out of lack of belief in her. that his decision to keep her out of the loop wasn’t personal, or anything remotely similar to that. that, it was just a rational conclusion. only, she takes it to a whole new level. a level he was far from prepared for, but at the same time, it illustrated a point that knew would resurface. it had to. it was their first experience with death and revival, and the all the gruesome scars and branding that inevitably came with it.
at mention at “weakness,” he can’t help but to wince a little, if just due to the immediate reminder of their previous Situation. and the implications it seemed to carry on her seemingly frail shoulders, as strong as she usually appeared otherwise.
he closes his mouth, as if reconsidering his own words. as if trying to make a full proof argument, but none quite reaches his line of thought. but, at the same time, he tries to clear his mind; a forced, but rather weak attempt at remaining differential. he had to remain firm. neutral. shaking his head, he speaks quietly at first, working up the volume to a normal tone as he speaks. ) I know. ( and by his tone, it's clear he's not lying. even if it was hard to tell considering how apt he was at lying through his teeth. ) Don’t think you could have shoved me in a drawer on my first day here, otherwise. ( a ghost of a smile flits across his lips. )
( thought, now that he thinks about it. ) I won’t even bring up your idea of "laundry." ( except he did. but, it's to diffuse the situation more than anything. and i was going to say something else but i won't jkhsdkjghk ) But this isn’t really a matter of strong and weak, y’know?
Plus, you can help by doing other things. Not everything’s about fighting. Doubt we’ll even get to that here. ( that’s what his talk with tyki proved, at any rate. the more they pressured him with their presence, the more reactive he seemed like he would be. breaking that carefully established balance would be bad in a different sense, even if he didn’t like the idea of temporarily drawing back from the situation, it's something he knows that has to be done. especially, with the timeline he inevitably stood at. the only thing they could do it monitor him form a distance, and even that was risky.
either way, he's never allowing you into this world, riruka!!!! )
[ she draws her head up at that, brows knit together as she struggles to keep up with his logic. she's never been one for that kinda stuff... emotions were what drove her powers, so repressing them, shoving them aside... those were things she never bothered to learn how to do. ]
Then — what? How? All you're telling me are the things I can't do! [ she despises the thought of being so idle, so passive. ] What if this guy decides to mess with you? What then?!
( he's visibly disappointed that his attempt to shift the conversation in every single direction but this one... had failed. miserably, even. without even a hint of success. at this point, he's sort of realizing how futile of an endeavor it was, but even then, he does his best to remain in gear. ) That's just as important, isn't it? ( awkward pause. ) ... yeah, I don't know.
( he sighs a little. he can sort of get where she was going. naturally, had this been home where all the factors were known and their objectives clear cut, there probably wouldn't have been so much hesitation or the inclination to reconsider their tactics to this extent.
either way, at her words, he rubs the back of his neck. ) If that happens, I'll deal with it then. ( he tries to say it with some finality to the conversation. he hated being stern about things like these, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. to avoid potential casualties, that is. ) Least we'll be on guard for it, too. Besides... that's the life we've always led at home. ( so it wasn't supposed to bother him.
as a bookman and as an exorcist. it was just expected. )
Tch. [ that particular sentiment brings a twisted sneer on riruka's lips. ] Just because you're used to something, doesn't make it okay. That kinda talk's pretty cowardly, don't you think?
( cowardly, maybe. but, they couldn't always afford losses.
picking and choosing battles have always been an imperative concept in winning wars, or that's what experience and his own personal knowledge has taught him. but, at the same time, he can't entirely disagree with her. the moment he decided to step into the ark, was the single decisive point in time where he partook in a long-standing fight with more odds against them than pros or "evens" or whatever it was that gave them a disadvantage. and apparently, it ended well. apparently. not that he knew firsthand. and maybe that's why he can decide to be that much more cautious. ) You're right. ( but, what else could he say? that wasn't all there was, but he knew there was no convincing her. he's tried avoiding this outcome in so many ways, and even then. nothing. she stayed. unyielding.
and so he decides to regard her in silence. the only thing he hasn't tried yet. but, in this time he tries to formulate a way for them to come to an agreement on this, and yet it doesn't quite come. not now, not yet. and so the stillness continues. )
riruka didn't too do well with silence. she would, at any opportunity, try and fill up the silence, even if she had to carry an entire conversation herself.
but right now, surprisingly, she didn't much feel like talking.
it isn't often she'll extend a hand out like this, an offer so obvious and blatant and have it rejected just as blatantly. despite it being sparked entirely (?) by her sense of debt, it still stung more than she cared to admit.
it's something that very clearly bothers her, but she doesn't exactly do well at handling problems either. so after a few, long moments of simply staring at him, willing him to say something else, then berating herself for wishing it when he doesn't, ]
I can't stand cowards.
[ she just turns on her heel, marching out of the room, away from it. ]
( it didn't necessarily feel good to be told those words and carry along a title as stigmatic as that. but, if he had to be completely honest, it's words he probably deserved. and on the same note, a portion of his pride he'd have to willingly sacrifice in order to keep an appropriate amount of space between them. there may have been a part of him that yielded to the desire of thinking they were comrades and allies, if just for their situations and the mutual death they inevitably faced, but those were both matters he shouldn't have allowed to blind him. he knows the extent to which he permitted these thoughts to grow, and he curses himself for not being able to cease it.
she was caught on their radar now, just by that association, and it's hard to accept. even harder to think she wanted to help. assist them in their efforts, if just a little bit. and in that tiny, tiny, margin where he may have felt the least bit grateful for the sentiment, he knew he was wrong. knew he strayed. being a bookman, he wasn't supposed to feel anything. he was supposed to watch. keep track. see everything objectively by his own eyes, and he's not sure how applicable that was in this place, but it's the only life he's known.
and he also knows that people shouldn't get involved with exorcists. he knows this through experience, and even those within the order suffered a similar fate to most exorcists, if just by their connection to them. so even as she turns her back to him and leaves, he doesn't stop her. doesn't even turn to look.
and in this same moment, he decides on their next meeting, he'd pretend as if none of this had ever happened. for both their sakes. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
the fold of her arms only grows tighter, just like the expression on her face. ]
A bunch of bullshit, I'm sure. [ he spent some time complimenting her, after all, but she definitely has a feeling she should take all his words with a grain of salt. ]
Is he really as dangerous as he tries to sound?
no subject
as well as tyki's innate ability to render everything under the dark light of destruction. ) He's not the kinda person people should be friends with, if you catch my drift? ( but, even with his casual wording. ) My only advice is to stay away from him. Don't catch his eye, if you can help it. ( unless you already have. but, he puts it as if this is the "end" of their conversation. as if he doesn't need to explain anymore. or maybe he just didn't want to. the more one knew, the more likely they'd be subjected to whatever it was, after all. people don't just ask for no reason. )
no subject
she doesn't know what it says about lavi, about how much he thinks of her, when tyki himself has revealed far much more about the situation than the male in front of her. it brings a bitter taste to riruka's mouth that she can't recognize at the moment, but it's one she certainly isn't fond of.
with a decisive movement, she stamps her foot down over the bed once more, trapping a bit of lavi's shirt beneath it as if to hold him just in case he planned on running away. or dismissing the conversation entirely. ]
What the hell is your deal, anyway? You said you were just some Bookman, some kinda human recorder of events or stuff. What's that gotta do with bad men and Exorcists and Innocence?
[ you think tyki's the only one she's spoken to lavi? NOPE. ]
1/2 her words* i can't type
no subject
Not sure what else I can tell you? ( everything else was far more Delicate. he could explain exorcists and innocence, sure. but, anything more of how it related to him being a bookman and his original objectives was just not going to happen. )
no subject
her arms fall down to her sides, hands balling into fists. ]
You said it yourself. This guy is dangerous. What if he does hurts you — people. [ she doesn't catch herself in time, but she sure as hell plows on as if nothing had happened. ] Don't you think we all deserve to know what we're up against here?!
1/2
until that one point of his life, but even then, he shakes his head. ) You don't have to worry about that. I'll protect you? You said it yourself, I'm an Exorcist. ( he kills akuma. fights noahs by nature. and he's also a bookman. he doesn't stay in one place for long. doesn't have a home. doesn't become attached. doesn't really consider himself much of a human, either. "you're smiling, but your eyes are like glass. nothing gets through to you." )
no subject
Any other questions? ( he can't say he'd answer them all. but, if it was something within reason. )
no subject
she tries to suppress a shudder, but she's not sure if she succeeds. ]
Yeah, just one.
[ probably the most important one. ]
How can I help?
no subject
however, while he does manage to look upon the gesture favorably, it also succeeds to grate on a more sensitive portion of his nerves. he knows that type too well. and somehow, from the light reminder, it makes him worry that perhaps she could potentially see through to him as he once had. potentially fall to the same fate, even. he mentally swore to himself that he’d seal up that portion of his thoughts. discard it as he’s done to so many of his previous identities, but the memory remains vivid. despite their connection forged through a mutual death and facing the same trial, he can’t open himself up to the possibility of implicating her into his life as an exorcist.
even fighting along beside her was an idea he wasn’t even close to considering. and so he casually dodges the subject. sidestepping from it. or he had the intentions to. but, instead, even if he knows it wouldn't please her, he reveals a simple truth. ) If you avoid him, that’ll be enough. I can't really ask for more.
no subject
so easily, too, though she misreads the conflict on his face for disdain.
the logical part of her mind knows she can't blame him — shouldn't, really; what does he know of her abilities? her capabilities? she'd shown him her dollhouse power on the first day, but what good had it done either of them when it really mattered? that tattoo branded on their chests, matching the bullet scars they both share — they're reminders of her failure, of the plain and simple fact that it had been her recklessness, her foolish folly to cost them both their lives.
for lavi, it only made sense that he should dismiss her. that he should see her incapable and weak, when truly that's the only thing she's shown him thus far.
and it shouldn't matter to her, either. her pride is wounded at it, but a wounded pride is something she can get over; a run in with this tyki man, this noah, is quickly sounding to be something she — a frail, mortal human — cannot.
and yet it burns. angers her more than she thought it would, wounds her more than she thought herself capable. she had a debt to repay. and a point to make. ]
I can help. [ she doesn't know how, or if she even can, but she wants to. she has to. head lowered, hands balling into tiny fists at her side. ] I'm not— weak, you know.
[ defective defective defective ]
1/2
at mention at “weakness,” he can’t help but to wince a little, if just due to the immediate reminder of their previous Situation. and the implications it seemed to carry on her seemingly frail shoulders, as strong as she usually appeared otherwise.
he closes his mouth, as if reconsidering his own words. as if trying to make a full proof argument, but none quite reaches his line of thought. but, at the same time, he tries to clear his mind; a forced, but rather weak attempt at remaining differential. he had to remain firm. neutral. shaking his head, he speaks quietly at first, working up the volume to a normal tone as he speaks. ) I know. ( and by his tone, it's clear he's not lying. even if it was hard to tell considering how apt he was at lying through his teeth. ) Don’t think you could have shoved me in a drawer on my first day here, otherwise. ( a ghost of a smile flits across his lips. )
no subject
Plus, you can help by doing other things. Not everything’s about fighting. Doubt we’ll even get to that here. ( that’s what his talk with tyki proved, at any rate. the more they pressured him with their presence, the more reactive he seemed like he would be. breaking that carefully established balance would be bad in a different sense, even if he didn’t like the idea of temporarily drawing back from the situation, it's something he knows that has to be done. especially, with the timeline he inevitably stood at. the only thing they could do it monitor him form a distance, and even that was risky.
either way, he's never allowing you into this world, riruka!!!! )
no subject
Then — what? How? All you're telling me are the things I can't do! [ she despises the thought of being so idle, so passive. ] What if this guy decides to mess with you? What then?!
no subject
( he sighs a little. he can sort of get where she was going. naturally, had this been home where all the factors were known and their objectives clear cut, there probably wouldn't have been so much hesitation or the inclination to reconsider their tactics to this extent.
either way, at her words, he rubs the back of his neck. ) If that happens, I'll deal with it then. ( he tries to say it with some finality to the conversation. he hated being stern about things like these, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. to avoid potential casualties, that is. ) Least we'll be on guard for it, too. Besides... that's the life we've always led at home. ( so it wasn't supposed to bother him.
as a bookman and as an exorcist. it was just expected. )
no subject
no subject
picking and choosing battles have always been an imperative concept in winning wars, or that's what experience and his own personal knowledge has taught him. but, at the same time, he can't entirely disagree with her. the moment he decided to step into the ark, was the single decisive point in time where he partook in a long-standing fight with more odds against them than pros or "evens" or whatever it was that gave them a disadvantage. and apparently, it ended well. apparently. not that he knew firsthand. and maybe that's why he can decide to be that much more cautious. ) You're right. ( but, what else could he say? that wasn't all there was, but he knew there was no convincing her. he's tried avoiding this outcome in so many ways, and even then. nothing. she stayed. unyielding.
and so he decides to regard her in silence. the only thing he hasn't tried yet. but, in this time he tries to formulate a way for them to come to an agreement on this, and yet it doesn't quite come. not now, not yet. and so the stillness continues. )
no subject
riruka didn't too do well with silence. she would, at any opportunity, try and fill up the silence, even if she had to carry an entire conversation herself.
but right now, surprisingly, she didn't much feel like talking.
it isn't often she'll extend a hand out like this, an offer so obvious and blatant and have it rejected just as blatantly. despite it being sparked entirely (?) by her sense of debt, it still stung more than she cared to admit.
it's something that very clearly bothers her, but she doesn't exactly do well at handling problems either. so after a few, long moments of simply staring at him, willing him to say something else, then berating herself for wishing it when he doesn't, ]
I can't stand cowards.
[ she just turns on her heel, marching out of the room, away from it. ]
no subject
she was caught on their radar now, just by that association, and it's hard to accept. even harder to think she wanted to help. assist them in their efforts, if just a little bit. and in that tiny, tiny, margin where he may have felt the least bit grateful for the sentiment, he knew he was wrong. knew he strayed. being a bookman, he wasn't supposed to feel anything. he was supposed to watch. keep track. see everything objectively by his own eyes, and he's not sure how applicable that was in this place, but it's the only life he's known.
and he also knows that people shouldn't get involved with exorcists. he knows this through experience, and even those within the order suffered a similar fate to most exorcists, if just by their connection to them. so even as she turns her back to him and leaves, he doesn't stop her. doesn't even turn to look.
and in this same moment, he decides on their next meeting, he'd pretend as if none of this had ever happened. for both their sakes. )