( he's visibly disappointed that his attempt to shift the conversation in every single direction but this one... had failed. miserably, even. without even a hint of success. at this point, he's sort of realizing how futile of an endeavor it was, but even then, he does his best to remain in gear. ) That's just as important, isn't it? ( awkward pause. ) ... yeah, I don't know.
( he sighs a little. he can sort of get where she was going. naturally, had this been home where all the factors were known and their objectives clear cut, there probably wouldn't have been so much hesitation or the inclination to reconsider their tactics to this extent.
either way, at her words, he rubs the back of his neck. ) If that happens, I'll deal with it then. ( he tries to say it with some finality to the conversation. he hated being stern about things like these, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. to avoid potential casualties, that is. ) Least we'll be on guard for it, too. Besides... that's the life we've always led at home. ( so it wasn't supposed to bother him.
as a bookman and as an exorcist. it was just expected. )
Tch. [ that particular sentiment brings a twisted sneer on riruka's lips. ] Just because you're used to something, doesn't make it okay. That kinda talk's pretty cowardly, don't you think?
( cowardly, maybe. but, they couldn't always afford losses.
picking and choosing battles have always been an imperative concept in winning wars, or that's what experience and his own personal knowledge has taught him. but, at the same time, he can't entirely disagree with her. the moment he decided to step into the ark, was the single decisive point in time where he partook in a long-standing fight with more odds against them than pros or "evens" or whatever it was that gave them a disadvantage. and apparently, it ended well. apparently. not that he knew firsthand. and maybe that's why he can decide to be that much more cautious. ) You're right. ( but, what else could he say? that wasn't all there was, but he knew there was no convincing her. he's tried avoiding this outcome in so many ways, and even then. nothing. she stayed. unyielding.
and so he decides to regard her in silence. the only thing he hasn't tried yet. but, in this time he tries to formulate a way for them to come to an agreement on this, and yet it doesn't quite come. not now, not yet. and so the stillness continues. )
riruka didn't too do well with silence. she would, at any opportunity, try and fill up the silence, even if she had to carry an entire conversation herself.
but right now, surprisingly, she didn't much feel like talking.
it isn't often she'll extend a hand out like this, an offer so obvious and blatant and have it rejected just as blatantly. despite it being sparked entirely (?) by her sense of debt, it still stung more than she cared to admit.
it's something that very clearly bothers her, but she doesn't exactly do well at handling problems either. so after a few, long moments of simply staring at him, willing him to say something else, then berating herself for wishing it when he doesn't, ]
I can't stand cowards.
[ she just turns on her heel, marching out of the room, away from it. ]
( it didn't necessarily feel good to be told those words and carry along a title as stigmatic as that. but, if he had to be completely honest, it's words he probably deserved. and on the same note, a portion of his pride he'd have to willingly sacrifice in order to keep an appropriate amount of space between them. there may have been a part of him that yielded to the desire of thinking they were comrades and allies, if just for their situations and the mutual death they inevitably faced, but those were both matters he shouldn't have allowed to blind him. he knows the extent to which he permitted these thoughts to grow, and he curses himself for not being able to cease it.
she was caught on their radar now, just by that association, and it's hard to accept. even harder to think she wanted to help. assist them in their efforts, if just a little bit. and in that tiny, tiny, margin where he may have felt the least bit grateful for the sentiment, he knew he was wrong. knew he strayed. being a bookman, he wasn't supposed to feel anything. he was supposed to watch. keep track. see everything objectively by his own eyes, and he's not sure how applicable that was in this place, but it's the only life he's known.
and he also knows that people shouldn't get involved with exorcists. he knows this through experience, and even those within the order suffered a similar fate to most exorcists, if just by their connection to them. so even as she turns her back to him and leaves, he doesn't stop her. doesn't even turn to look.
and in this same moment, he decides on their next meeting, he'd pretend as if none of this had ever happened. for both their sakes. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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( he sighs a little. he can sort of get where she was going. naturally, had this been home where all the factors were known and their objectives clear cut, there probably wouldn't have been so much hesitation or the inclination to reconsider their tactics to this extent.
either way, at her words, he rubs the back of his neck. ) If that happens, I'll deal with it then. ( he tries to say it with some finality to the conversation. he hated being stern about things like these, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. to avoid potential casualties, that is. ) Least we'll be on guard for it, too. Besides... that's the life we've always led at home. ( so it wasn't supposed to bother him.
as a bookman and as an exorcist. it was just expected. )
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no subject
picking and choosing battles have always been an imperative concept in winning wars, or that's what experience and his own personal knowledge has taught him. but, at the same time, he can't entirely disagree with her. the moment he decided to step into the ark, was the single decisive point in time where he partook in a long-standing fight with more odds against them than pros or "evens" or whatever it was that gave them a disadvantage. and apparently, it ended well. apparently. not that he knew firsthand. and maybe that's why he can decide to be that much more cautious. ) You're right. ( but, what else could he say? that wasn't all there was, but he knew there was no convincing her. he's tried avoiding this outcome in so many ways, and even then. nothing. she stayed. unyielding.
and so he decides to regard her in silence. the only thing he hasn't tried yet. but, in this time he tries to formulate a way for them to come to an agreement on this, and yet it doesn't quite come. not now, not yet. and so the stillness continues. )
no subject
riruka didn't too do well with silence. she would, at any opportunity, try and fill up the silence, even if she had to carry an entire conversation herself.
but right now, surprisingly, she didn't much feel like talking.
it isn't often she'll extend a hand out like this, an offer so obvious and blatant and have it rejected just as blatantly. despite it being sparked entirely (?) by her sense of debt, it still stung more than she cared to admit.
it's something that very clearly bothers her, but she doesn't exactly do well at handling problems either. so after a few, long moments of simply staring at him, willing him to say something else, then berating herself for wishing it when he doesn't, ]
I can't stand cowards.
[ she just turns on her heel, marching out of the room, away from it. ]
no subject
she was caught on their radar now, just by that association, and it's hard to accept. even harder to think she wanted to help. assist them in their efforts, if just a little bit. and in that tiny, tiny, margin where he may have felt the least bit grateful for the sentiment, he knew he was wrong. knew he strayed. being a bookman, he wasn't supposed to feel anything. he was supposed to watch. keep track. see everything objectively by his own eyes, and he's not sure how applicable that was in this place, but it's the only life he's known.
and he also knows that people shouldn't get involved with exorcists. he knows this through experience, and even those within the order suffered a similar fate to most exorcists, if just by their connection to them. so even as she turns her back to him and leaves, he doesn't stop her. doesn't even turn to look.
and in this same moment, he decides on their next meeting, he'd pretend as if none of this had ever happened. for both their sakes. )