( it didn't necessarily feel good to be told those words and carry along a title as stigmatic as that. but, if he had to be completely honest, it's words he probably deserved. and on the same note, a portion of his pride he'd have to willingly sacrifice in order to keep an appropriate amount of space between them. there may have been a part of him that yielded to the desire of thinking they were comrades and allies, if just for their situations and the mutual death they inevitably faced, but those were both matters he shouldn't have allowed to blind him. he knows the extent to which he permitted these thoughts to grow, and he curses himself for not being able to cease it.
she was caught on their radar now, just by that association, and it's hard to accept. even harder to think she wanted to help. assist them in their efforts, if just a little bit. and in that tiny, tiny, margin where he may have felt the least bit grateful for the sentiment, he knew he was wrong. knew he strayed. being a bookman, he wasn't supposed to feel anything. he was supposed to watch. keep track. see everything objectively by his own eyes, and he's not sure how applicable that was in this place, but it's the only life he's known.
and he also knows that people shouldn't get involved with exorcists. he knows this through experience, and even those within the order suffered a similar fate to most exorcists, if just by their connection to them. so even as she turns her back to him and leaves, he doesn't stop her. doesn't even turn to look.
and in this same moment, he decides on their next meeting, he'd pretend as if none of this had ever happened. for both their sakes. )
no subject
she was caught on their radar now, just by that association, and it's hard to accept. even harder to think she wanted to help. assist them in their efforts, if just a little bit. and in that tiny, tiny, margin where he may have felt the least bit grateful for the sentiment, he knew he was wrong. knew he strayed. being a bookman, he wasn't supposed to feel anything. he was supposed to watch. keep track. see everything objectively by his own eyes, and he's not sure how applicable that was in this place, but it's the only life he's known.
and he also knows that people shouldn't get involved with exorcists. he knows this through experience, and even those within the order suffered a similar fate to most exorcists, if just by their connection to them. so even as she turns her back to him and leaves, he doesn't stop her. doesn't even turn to look.
and in this same moment, he decides on their next meeting, he'd pretend as if none of this had ever happened. for both their sakes. )